Hard lessons I learned as a new mom

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Hello, brave mamas and papas! Are you a fresh new parent? Just had your first child? Or maybe, you had your baby for some time, but things still feel so fresh and overwhelming? Are you feeling lost, terrified or hopeless? Then, this article is for you. There are several hard lessons I learned as a new mom and I’m going to share all of them with you.

I know you feel alone sometimes, I know you feel like the days and nights are longer and harder and you feel like you are stuck in a place where you are haunted by your baby’s cries and needs.

You are safe here, whatever you are feeling right now, the good and the bad, everything is accepted here. I know it’s hard, frustrating, magical and beautiful at the same time. 

Breathe!! This article is for you, this article speaks to your happiness and pain. This article is real, about real parents, about authentic experiences. This article is about me, about you and about all the moms and dads that feel misunderstood, judged and alone. 

Disclaimer no 1: this article contains tears, happiness, real and hard feelings. This is not your usual flower power article. No. Enough of that, there is too much of that on the internet. We need real conversations.

Disclaimer no 2: every baby is different. This is not a guide or a recipe for success. These are my thoughts based on my personal experience and journey. Please, consult your pediatrician for any concerns and worries you may have related to your baby. 

This article comes from a fellow mama, who had a really hard time in the first months with her baby. 

I felt lost, and in pain, I got from tears to laughs and back to tears in just a few seconds. Some days it felt like I wasn’t living, I was just breathing and surviving, going with the flow. To be really honest with you, I judged myself so bad, that at some point I didn’t know how to feel anything else. I’m not saying that every beginning as a parent is hard, or has to be this hard. What I’m saying is that, if it’s hard for you, you need to know that it’s normal and you are not alone in this. I love my son so much and I just couldn’t understand how I could feel all those opposing feelings.

I was (and still am) lucky because I had my husband by my side. He was understanding and helped me a lot during that period. He encouraged me to speak my thoughts and every time I felt like I was suffocating, he took the baby and left me alone for a couple of moments to get my shit together. He even took 2 months free from work to be more involved with the baby and to help me manage everything. At the same time, I know that he was hurting and felt overwhelmed and sad. He was also struggling and I know that it was hard for him to see me like that. This is another reason for me to write this article. I know that dads are having a hard time in the beginning with a baby and they also go through depression and feelings new to them. But people tend to forget about the dads and speak only about the mother’s feelings. (Disclaimer: here I’m referring to those dads which are actually involved in the baby’s life).

Overall, we felt alone and misunderstood as new parents. People from every direction told us what to do to a point that it got very frustrating. Nobody understood our feelings and why we left angry and depressed sometimes. Along the way, we stopped sharing our experiences with others because we felt criticized and judged instead of helped. 

I know this is a long introduction, but please be patient with me. This article is very important. I’m choosing to share my experience and my vulnerability with you. If this article helps just one mama or papa to feel normal, to feel understood and empowered, then my job here is done.

Do you know what is the problem with this society and the world in general? People are never encouraged to speak about the ugly, especially when it’s related to a baby. I mean, how dare you tell someone that you had a baby and now suffer from depression?! “Having a baby is a miracle! How can you be depressed?!” 

Well, let me stop you right there. Yes, having a baby is the most amazing thing ever, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to suffer or to “mourn” your life before the baby. All the hard things that you are going through aren’t qualifiers for how much you love your baby. Remember that, please, because it’s important.

Here are the most important lessons I had to learn the hard way in the first 6 months with my baby David:

It’s perfectly normal if you don’t feel this magical connection when you see your baby for the first time

I feel like future moms are often told about this magical, precious moment, when they will see their baby for the first time and how everything should be so magnificent and majestic (yes, I researched for the fanciest words on purpose). I don’t know if this expectation is true for every woman, or if it is too romanticized, but for me, it didn’t feel that way at all. In my opinion, this perfect way of imagining those first moments with your little one isn’t a healthy approach and this is why.

After you give birth (vaginal or C-section, it doesn’t matter), there are a lot of things happening. You are exhausted, emotional, confused and maybe scared. When I saw my baby for the first time, I didn’t know what to feel. Imagine that I was holding my baby while my doctor was stitching me up down there (ops, TMI) and at the same time, the baby’s doctor was telling me stuff. All I remember from that moment is that I felt numb and confused. Hours later, when they brought my baby to my room, I remember I started to analyze him and was in awe that he was finally here. I was a mom! WOW! A mom! Ok…. Now, what?! 

I had questions and I felt strange in my own body. I looked at him with love, but with a lot of confusion and fear.

It wasn’t magical, I didn’t feel that glorious, cosmic connection that I was told about. After a few days at home with my baby, I still couldn’t feel it, and I started to think that maybe there was something wrong with me, that I don’t have the “mother material” (such a stupid thing to say, whatever). Keep in mind that in the first week after I had the baby I was recovering from birth, was in a lot of pain due to suffering from mastitis and I was struggling with breastfeeding. At the same time, the baby was crying for hours and it felt like he didn’t sleep.

Dear mama, if you are going through or experienced the same thing, know that you are not alone and it is ok. This doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby, or that you are not good enough. 

Here’s an honest thing, deep connections are built, they are not born. Yes, it started when the baby was in your womb, but you need time to build on it. And believe me, you will start to feel how this connection grows inside you little by little every day: when you hear his first giggle, when you see his first smile or hear him say “agu” for the first time. Be patient with yourself and take time to know your baby and please don’t listen to people telling you what you should or shouldn’t feel for your little one.

Now, after 8 months with my baby, every time I look at him and he smiles I feel like my heart is going to explode with joy. I have a lot of happy tears these days because everything is so overwhelming in the best way possible. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard, but now I established a connection with my baby and I understand his needs better and feel like I fall in love with him over and over again. 

Postpartum depression is real and we need to talk more about it

Repeat after me: “Postpartum depression is a real thing!” Let’s stop making moms feel bad about it. I read a lot about this topic even before I gave birth and I knew that it was a thing that I (maybe) will go through, Not every mom goes through it and not every mom is affected the same way.

This is a very important topic for me and for that, I plan to write a dedicated article (stay tuned for that).

For me, postpartum depression was a nightmare. Immediately after I gave birth to my son and came home with him, it felt like my world started to crumble. I began to have panic attacks and I became walking and breathing anxiously. I was feeling so many things, I was scared, sad, disappointed, desperate, and resentful. It was an emotional carousel. Most days, I felt hopeless. I didn’t think that I would ever feel like my normal self ever again. 

My baby needed me to be there for him, and I was physically, but mentally and emotionally I was a rack. 

My husband was my safety net, he was there for me and tried to help me in any way he could: he spend more time with the baby during those hard days, discussed with me about my feelings, held me when I was crying and reminded me that I was a great mom and that I was doing my best. To be really honest with you, he was one of the reasons why I could overcome my postpartum depression. 

In the article that I plan to write about postpartum depression, I will be sharing my birth story and all the things that happened that made the postpartum period even harder.

Why am I sharing this personal and private story? Because I want you to understand that if you are feeling all those “bad” things, it’s ok. I want you to understand that it is normal to feel that way, you are not a bad mom, you love your baby and your depression will go away. Believe me, when I tell you, it will pass. You need to have patience, be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. Speak with close friends, your mom or your partner. Open up, even if that means being vulnerable, but getting everything out is the path to healing. And if talking with your close one is not an option for you, then visit a therapist. 

Some solutions can make the whole period slightly easier. I’m also here, and I’m not just saying this: if you ever need someone to talk about this, please reach out to me, you can message me on Instagram or email me. 

Babies can cry a lot, sometimes for hours and hours

Oh, my God, I honestly NEVER thought that a baby could cry that much, for so many hours. I wasn’t delusional, I knew that crying was the main form of communication for a little one, but what I experienced in the first 4 months with David, was beyond my initial expectations (in a bad way). This was a very hard lesson for us as a parents.

Again, I feel like I need to write a disclaimer for each point, but I need to emphasize this, not every baby is the same. This is just my story, and I hope it is going to help other parents that are experiencing similar struggles.

The first 3 months are very hard for most babies. They are learning to adapt to their new environment, which is so different from the one they were used to for 9 months. Every change and uncomfortable thing that is happening to them is very stressful and sometimes painful. How are babies handling pain and stress?! You guessed it, they cry it out!

Our little David suffered a lot from cramps. And by a lot, I mean that he was crying for hours and hours for approx. 3 months. It was so hard for us, as new parents, because we felt hopeless and alone. At some point we thought that maybe something was wrong with our child, so we started to go to different medical exams, where the result was always the same: he is perfect and healthy. But how can that be?! He was screaming until he grew tired every day and there was nothing that we could do to make him stop or help him in any way.  We tried several drops that our doctor recommended (like 5 different ones), but nothing seemed to work. We eventually learned that he really was ok and it’s normal for some babies to cry like that. We learned that the best thing we could do is just be there for him and hold him. Crying helped him let the pain and his discomfort go away.

If you are in a similar situation, know that you are not alone, there is nothing wrong with your baby (if you already got all the medical verifications) and it will pass. I remember that I got so angry when other people told me: “Oh, babies cry a lot, didn’t you know that?!” or “It will pass, you need to have patience”. These statements made me punch a wall because even if I knew that babies cry, I didn’t expect it to be this bad. And I couldn’t believe that things would get better with time, but it got better. So I encourage you to be patient, speak with other parents, rant about it, cry, and punch a wall, but know that it will pass and don’t be so hard on yourself.

It’s normal to “mourn” your life before your baby

This is a hard lessons I learned as a new mom, one because it brought a lot of guilt over time. Maybe you know this or maybe you have an idea, but I will point it out either way: having a baby will change your life forever. Nothing that you knew and did will ever be the same.

To have an idea about my experience, before having our little David, my husband and I, had an amazing life together. We had our rituals, together and separately, we traveled a lot, and we always liked to spend time together watching movies, and TV shows, cooking, going out testing restaurants or spending our evenings talking for hours about random stuff (you know, fun topics like the afterlife, aliens and other “normal” stuff). Everything in our life was cozy and comfortable. I had a 9 to 5 job, but I also had time for myself and I loved to spend my weekends reading books while drinking a good coffee. I dedicated time to my passion for travel blogging.

After the baby came, it felt like everything disappeared (puff and all was gone). From that moment it felt like our life changed from comfort to chaos, from cozy to uncomfortable. I felt like we as a couple didn’t exist anymore and we had to give up all of our rituals.

In the beginning, these thoughts brought a lot of guilt. How can I be mad at the loss of these simple rituals when now I have this treasure?! I judged myself so much and couldn’t speak to anyone about it, because I was afraid they would consider me a terrible mother.

If you ever felt that way, or you are experiencing this right now, please don’t judge yourself for it. Know that it’s normal and ok to mourn your life before the baby. Having a child is a very big change in your life and you aren’t going to be the same. But this doesn’t mean you can’t develop other rituals or find new ways to connect with your partner. Maybe not in the beginning, but as time passes it will get easier and you will see how other rituals are going to form. 

So, please take your time, be gentle with yourself, mourn and be sad if that is what you are feeling. After you do that, you are going to be prepared to continue with this new amazing chapter in your life.

Now, my husband and I have new rituals that we do with our baby and without when David is asleep. We are excited to start traveling again, but now our trips are going to be even better because we get to show David this amazing world we live in. We are thrilled about Christmas and we already are planning to bake cookies and do holiday-related activities with our little one. Our life feels complete and more exciting than before because now we have our son and we have so many things to teach him.

It’s normal for your baby to use you as his bed

Before having my baby I had this idea (very wrong idea for that matter) that babies sleep in their beds, you just put them there and hello dreamy land. Crazy for me, to have this expectation, right?! After I came home with the baby from the hospital I learned very quickly that babies don’t sleep in their cubs and that there is a lot of “work” to put one to sleep.

This was one of our main struggles (besides the daily crying, of course). We tried to put him in his bed, but in a few seconds, he was up and screaming. We tried a lot of different methods, like go outside, use a carrying system or a swing. Nothing seemed to work. I observed that he slept for hours sometimes if he did it on my chest or my husband’s. 

Long story short, David slept most of his daily naps on me and to have an idea, imagine that I couldn’t even go to the bathroom for hours. In the beginning, I felt useless, because I thought that I could do other stuff while my baby slept. I didn’t have time to cook, clean or work on my blog. And it was so hard for me mentally to accept that this is my life now.

Eventually, I understood that David needed me to be there for him, even if that meant that sometimes I was his bed. The warmth and the sound of my beating heart calmed him and created a safe and known environment for him. Babies struggle a lot in the first 3 months to accommodate their little bodies to this new world. For them being outside the womb is scary and they need love, warmth and protection.

If you are going through something similar please know that it’s normal and necessary and most importantly, know that it will pass. After 4 months, my baby slept every day and night in his bed. I sometimes miss him using me as his bed. So, please don’t despair, be patient and enjoy these lovely and unique moments. They aren’t coming back. What can you do to make use of that time? Here is a great list: read books (I read several), start a new Netflix series or sleep. 

Usually, I read fantasy books, but now I took the time to read a few about parenting, if you are interested, here is a list of them:

• The Montessori baby – by Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike;
• Montessori de la naissance a 3 Ans – By Charlotte Poussin
• Raising a healthy, happy eater – by Nimali Fernando and Melanie Potock
• The big book of organic baby food -by Stephanie Middleberg

Mama, it’s ok to cry (it’s even recommended)

I don’t know why moms think that it’s bad to cry and be emotional after having a baby. Yes, the little one will feel the energy of the house and especially he will feel you. This is why it’s so important to cry and let everything out. Whatever you are feeling, don’t let it eat at you. Cry alone, in the bathroom, with your partner or a friend, but you need to discharge all the emotions that you are feeling. Being a new mom it’s a lot, I know. In the first 4 months, I think that I cried every week and in the beginning, every day.

A baby is going to challenge your relationship

They say a baby can improve a relationship that isn’t working so well. But that couldn’t be so far from the truth. As I already mentioned, my husband and I had a good life together with our rituals, bonding conversations and travels. We didn’t fight very often and when we did we healthily solved our problems, with empathy and understanding. We had rhythm and harmony. 

Well, everything went to hell the moment our baby was born. We were so excited and had so many expectations (false ones, as we soon enough learned). Day by day, we were sleep-deprived, over-stressed, emotional, angry and confused. I was going through recovery physically and through postpartum depression. The baby was crying for hours, we couldn’t make him sleep well and everything was just overwhelming. 

Of course, fights started to happen more often and more intensely. What made it worse was that we were exhausted all the time and didn’t have the energy to work stuff out. We said our piece and that’s it. At some point we figured out that our relationship was suffering and we needed to do something about it, so we took the time when the baby was sleeping and discussed our issues. The thing is, after a baby comes the whole dynamic between partners changes because they now have another role, that of a parent. This is a new part of your partner that you need to discover and understand, and this was the source of our problems. We had expectations that didn’t fit our new reality. 

We discussed everything and understood each other’s feelings and reactions and I feel like now our relationship is even stronger.

If you are struggling with a similar situation, don’t despair. Try to use every free moment (a little goes a long way) and spend it with your partner, even if it’s just a half hour. My ultimate advice: be honest, vulnerable and empathic with your partner. And remember both parents can suffer from depression, not just the mother.

Cancel the unnecessary noise

This may sound like an easy thing to do, but it’s much harder than you would think. After you have a baby, people are going to bomb you with all sorts of advice, starting with your parents. It will feel like everyone knows your baby better than you do. What got to me every time was this idea that if someone had several children they knew everything and you should follow their path step by step. 

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated friends and family that shared their experiences with me and tried to give me solutions when I was desperately asking for advice and help. But, I don’t like people telling me random advice that I didn’t ask for in the first place or people that judge our parenting style.

What to take from this lesson? Try to filter as much as you can all the information that you received from the people close to you. Do your homework, research, and ask your doctor and people you trust, but in the end, you are the parent and you should do what feels right to you in every situation. Don’t worry if you mess things up, it’s perfectly normal, you are learning and growing as a parent.

Understanding the development of the baby helps a lot, but don’t overdo it

Growing spurts, mental leaps and sleep regressions all seemed to me like gibberish. I mean, what the heck is a leap? Oh, but I learned very fast that these are developmental stages that a baby is going through and every sensitive period comes with….you guessed it: crying, fuzziness, lack of sleep and so on. Whenever David had a mental leap, for example, he was relentless, he cried, didn’t sleep during the day and it took me a very long time to put him to sleep every night. When he was going through a growth spurt, he was eating like crazy…like every hour or so…

Learning about these things helped me understand my baby and the pain and challenges he is going through. When he cried, I knew that he was stressed by all the changes that happened in his little body. Understanding these sensitive periods can help you a lot in keeping your mind sane. Because dealing with a crying baby for 4 hours straight can be maddening at some point, especially if you don’t know the cause.

That being said, try to not overdo it. It’s good to know about this stuff, but if you obsess about it, it can become overwhelming and frustrating. For me, at some point, it was enough to know that my baby may be going through something important.

The baby’s routine is vital and you should keep it at all cost

This is another hard lesson I learned as a new mom. Maybe this sounds a bit dramatic, but hear me out, because this is a big one! I have to say that I read about this one from the beginning and even if everyone said how important it is for the baby to have a routine I just refused to acknowledge it. In my opinion, babies should eat when hungry and should fall asleep when tired. But nono, things weren’t that simple. 

David can’t fall asleep on his own and in the first months, he would stay awake for hours and hours. I learned very fast that depending on their age, babies should stay awake between naps for a certain period and if they aren’t put to sleep after that they become fussy and sometimes start to cry for hours (David falls in this category). We didn’t understand what was wrong with him, but now when I look back, I remember that in the first 4 months when he should stay awake for an hour between naps (maximum an hour and a half) he stayed awake up to 5 hours.  

At some point, we started to respect the wake windows (periods between naps when the baby is awake and active) and incorporated a daily routine which we followed no matter what (even if we traveled). 

Keeping a routine makes a baby feel safe. For them change is uncomfortable and scary. This new world where they emerged is very new to them and sticking to a routine, knowing what is going to happen every day gives them a sense of familiarity and security. 

Keeping a routine and having a sleeping schedule can change the game, believe me.

Sleep regressions are real and very scary

After having a baby you will learn very fast that cramps exist, the fourth’s semester is a special and hard period and sleep regressions are the boogeyman for parents.

When I learned for the first time about sleep regressions, I wasn’t that scared, I don’t know why. What a mistake it was…

Guys, sleep regressions are hard! If you don’t know anything about sleep regression, I found this great article that may help you out. Shortly, sleep regressions happen when in the development of your baby some big “event” is happening, like learning to stand up, crawl and so on. The first sleep regression happens at 4 months when the baby’s sleep pattern is entering a more mature phase, which is similar to ours. Basically, he is trying to learn how to link sleep cycles as we adults do.

I knew that my sleep will never be the same after the baby, and I got used to the night feedings, but I still got 2-3 hours of uninterrupted sleep and sometimes if I got lucky even more. After the 4-month sleep regression hit, everything got bad really fast. David woke up every half an hour and it was hard to put him back to sleep. During the day he was very fussy and trying to get him to nap was a struggle. This lasted for two weeks…

What can you do? As I said, every baby is different and maybe yours isn’t going to be too affected by sleep regression, but if he is, here are the things that we did and kind of worked for us. We stuck to our daily routine (during sleep regressions is very important to keep a routine, especially in the evening), sometimes I kept him in bed with me during the night and we just waited for it to pass. That’s it. Sadly, there aren’t miracle solutions, but one thing I can assure you, it will pass, you just need to hang in there. 

This is a very stressful and difficult period for your little one, he or she needs you, to be there, to hold them and show them or love and support.

Don’t compare your baby with others

I know this one sounds cliché, but the truth is that sometimes it is hard not to compare your baby to others. 

As I mentioned in this article, in the first 4 months of life, my baby was crying a lot, like 4 hours straight, took a break, and then it all started again. He rarely slept, unless we kept him on our chest. It was hard for us to eat, sleep or have just a simple conversation. In the meantime, while I was and still am part of a big community on Facebook with hundreds of other moms, I read a lot of stories about babies that didn’t cry, slept through the night or slept on their own. It was very hard for us not to compare and we often asked, why is our baby this way? At the same time, we heard stories of babies that were even more difficult than ours and we thought “oh, it can be worse”. 

No matter the case, the thing is that every baby is different and one of a kind and putting them in categories (like babies that cry, and babies that don’t), is not fair for them or even for you as a parent. 

I would also like to point out that every parent is different, what is a lot of crying for one, can be considered normal for the other. 

My advice to you is to try to limit the comparison and the guilt that comes with it and enjoy your unique bundle of joy. Learn to know and connect with your baby and focus on him, his needs and your own.

Dad also needs to create a special bond with the baby

Guys, dads matter, too! And a lot! 

Every article, or thing I read about babies and the connection they have with their parents, always talks about the mothers. Every piece of content told me how important is the connection between mother and baby and how your baby grows so attached to you like the mother is the most important thing. I’m not saying that any of that isn’t true. This special bond begins in the womb and continues with the breastfeeding period (if you chose to do that). Also, women (usually) are the ones that take a break from their careers to stay home with their children in their first years of life.

That being said, this doesn’t mean that the father can’t build a meaningful connection with the baby. The real relationship begins the moment the baby is born. Besides breastfeeding, dads can do a lot of activities with them such as changing diapers, cleaning them, reading to them, playing, holding them and so on. 

I saw that most people ask only the mom about the little dumpling, but I encourage you to invite your partner into that conversation. Even if he is shy or is afraid to take care of the baby, encourage him to do it.

The bonding between a father and his child is just as important as the one that the mother has.

It’s so important to build it from the first day. I heard things like “a man can’t take care of a baby”, or “this is not a man’s thing to do”. Well, cut the crap! I know that there are a lot of fathers out there that feel it is improper to spend time with their babies. But, ladies, let me tell you, there is nothing sexier than your man taking care of your little one. 

My heart melts every time I see my husband playing with our son and spending time with him. 

He is an amazing husband and father. He was involved in David’s life from the first day! He is changing diapers, bathing him, and playing with him. Because David is breastfed, it was difficult for me to leave home for more than 2 hours. My husband stepped in of course. I leave David with him and with some full feeding bottles and I go out without a problem.

Being a parent is a continuously learning journey

They say that when the baby is born, a mother is born as well (in my opinion a father is born as well, I swear people forget about the dads sometimes…). Even if that is true, it’s one thing to be a mother in the title, and another thing entirely to feel and act like one. This one yet another hard lesson I learned as a new mom.

Being a parent is such a beautiful and complex notion, and it’s not something you are born knowing. It’s a learning process and you are going to grow as a parent along with your child. Just because you had a baby, don’t expect to automatically know stuff. Yes, you can trust your intuition, but you can’t use that in every situation.

After I had my baby the questions started to pop up non-stop, so I started to read blogs, and books and watch videos regarding education, nutrition, proper activities that can be done depending on the baby’s age and so on. There is so much to learn and I think the best way to do it is to fall in love with the idea of parenting. In this way, you will go out of your way to give your child the best resources and education that will help him in his toddler, adolescent and adult life. And it all starts when he or she is just a little baby.

So if you are a lover of personal growth and feel like if you have a child you aren’t going to learn anything, that is not true. There are so many things to learn, such as: understanding the growth periods and their impact on your baby, starting solids and knowing what is the best way to feed your little one, and choosing a way of parenting, such as the Montessori technique.

Find a support group

Having a support group was and still is a lifesaver for me. I’m part of a huge Facebook group (that is more like a community with hundreds of mothers) that is called “La primul bebe” (“Your first baby”). 

Disclaimer (this is an important one): don’t search for medical problems or medical diagnoses in groups or on the Internet. Discuss your concerns and questions with your pediatrician. Also, don’t give the baby medication that you find on Google, or recommended by other moms. Even if your problem may sound similar, it can be a very different situation. 

Now that I got this out of the way, I would like to point out how important it is to be part of a community with other parents. If you don’t have a lot of friends with babies, it can feel very lonely and confusing to be a parent for the first time. Reading stories written by other moms with similar situations, kept me sane when I needed it most. I was so terrified by my baby’s crying sessions and when my pediatrician told me that these are cramps and it will pass, I almost lost my mind. But after reading dozens of similar stories I started to feel more confident and patient and knew that it was normal and it will eventually go away. 

I also connected with other moms through our stories and personal journey with postpartum depression. It feels nice to feel supported. 

If you can, search for groups similar to this one in your community. This is going to help you feel more understood and connected.

Oh boy, this was a long article! I hope you are still with me and that this document helped you in some way. I hope you feel safer and more normal after reading about my experience. I hope that all these hard lesson I learned as a new mom will help you understand your own journey.

Please, let me know what you think and leave a comment for other moms that need to hear about your lessons. 

Sending my love and support to you! We got this!